Family Consititution Q & A

I've read a lot of parenting books. Not as many in recent years because I just haven't felt the need, but there was a time when my kids were little, when I read parenting books instead of fiction. Maybe it was my own version of fiction--imagining the happy family with kids out of diapers and old enough to engage in conversations about things other than dump trucks and firefighters.

So when I was invited to review Your Family Constitution and interview the author, I was eager to see what I've missed in the past several years as my reading lists have focused more on the outer world and less on my own family. I asked author Scott Gale which books stood out for him. Here's what he said:

I found bits and pieces out of lots of books, but most of my research was done through talking to other parents (as well as my own personal experiences). Through conversations, I was able to identify the most common problems that people seem to struggle with, as well as some creative solutions that I share in Chapter 8.

Well, readers (those of you with kids), what are your favorite parenting books--the one or two that truly stuck with you? Or are you more likely to get your parenting ideas by talking informally with other parents, rather than reading books? I think I'll make a list of the Best Parenting Books Ever. I already know which books will be at the top.

Here are a few other questions I asked of Mr. Gale:

Ali: I'm curious about what modifications you've made to the Constitution since the time when you finished the book.

SG: We’ve made lots of modifications, but no major ones. Bedtimes have gotten later, chore responsibilities have changed, and our family meetings occur less frequently during the kid’s football season. We have made other rules, but we don’t add the more simple ones to our Family Constitution.

Ali: In the book, you talk about rewarding yourselves for doing well, but I didn't see that outlined in the actual Constitution in the Appendix. How did your system of rewards work?

SG: Our system of rewards is mainly geared towards the kids. My wife and I can earn the right to select a restaurant or movie, but nothing too exciting. Our discipline mainly comes through global family rules (i.e. swear jar), as well as temporary goals for specific purposes (i.e. earning the ability to watch football via maintaining a training schedule for a ½ marathon that I recently ran.

Ali: Another thing you mentioned in the book was that you had to earn certain things, or put money in the swear jar--in other words, the rules applied to you as well. The Constitution itself seemed pretty focused on the kids, though. Were the adults' rules written up, also?

SG: Because our goals are often more temporary and less precise than for the kids, we don’t record many of them in the Family Constitution.

Ali: Which is interesting, because actually, I could make the same resolutions this year that I made five years ago and they'd still be relevant. On the other hand, five years ago my now-twelve-year-old needed to be reminded to bathe, and my now-nine-year-old was just outgrowing his toileting chart. Now, we have to remind my 12-year-old to get out of the shower, and the nine-year-old is on the verge of needing deodorant.

What about you, readers? Are you inclined to formalize your parenting ideas with a written contract, or "constitution?" And how long do you think you'd stick with it, if you did?

See You in a Hundred Years--Logan Ward

Have you ever wished you could leave the hustle and bustle of modern life behind and just be? Logan and Heather Ward did. So they sold their place in New York City and bought a farm in rural Virginia. Then they turned off the water and electricity, and spent a year living as though it was 1900. They raised goats for their milk, cheese and butter, planted a garden, canned enough to last through the winter, and used a horse, bicycles, or their feet for transportation. And yes, they used an outhouse, as did their potty-training young son.

See You In a Hundred Years (2007) is one of those We-did-something-crazy-so-I-could-write-a-book-about-it memoirs that I love. The results of the Wards' experiment are funny (they made a lot of mistakes) and inspiring (I will can more than four jars of jam next year!). Best of all is the relationships they develop over the course of the year: with their new neighbors, even the gruffest of whom turns out to be generous and kindhearted; with visiting friends and family who jump into the turn-of-the-century with varying degrees of enthusiasm and aplomb; and with each other.

Your Family Constitution--Scott Gale (book review)

As a one-time counselor and parent educator, I'm well-versed in the mantras of effective parenting: 1) have clear expectations and 2) be consistent.

Scott Gale has your back in the Clear Expectations arena. Your Family Constitution: A Modern Approach to Family Values and Household Structure outlines a plan for writing up a document for each family member to agree to, stating expectations and consequences. More importantly, it takes parents through a step-by-step process for determining what these expectations might be: what are our longterm goals for our children, and how can we help them develop the traits and habits we value most highly?

Gale, who doesn't have a background in counseling or family dynamics, also shares the parenting struggles which led him to devise a "constitution" for his own family. While his methods aren't groundbreaking, they are sound, and provide ideas parents can use to make "Have Clear Expectations" into something tangible. Gale advocates for as much child-involvement in the process as possible along the way.

I'll be interviewing author Scott Gale at the end of next week, so if you have questions for him about the book, I welcome them! I'm looking forward to learning more about how he incorporated rewards into the program (he alludes to using family activities as rewards, but I didn't find them written into the actual contract) and how the constitution has evolved since the book was written--since, as any parent can tell you, as soon as we get those kiddos figured out, they change.

Your Family Constitution was provided for review by Pump Up Your Book.

Green Books Campaign: Ecoholic

This review is part of the Green Books campaign. Today 100 bloggers are reviewing 100 great books printed in an environmentally friendly way. Our goal is to encourage publishers to get greener and readers to take the environment into consideration when purchasing books. This campaign is organized by Eco-Libris, a company working to green up the book industry by promoting the adoption of green practices, balancing out books by planting trees, and supporting green books. A full list of participating blogs and links to their reviews is available on Eco-Libris website. The above logo was created by Susan Newman.

Be careful what you wish for.

In recent years I've yearned for one place that would inform me about which products were good, bad or indifferent for the environment and my body. Not just a list of toxic ingredients to scan for on every bottle of sunscreen or shampoo--a list of safe products to make or buy. I know that certain cleansers are extremely toxic, but if a product says Clorox and "green" on the same label, is it truly green? And what about water bottles? The disposable ones are out, for so many reasons, but what to use instead?

Adria Vasil's Ecoholic has all this and more, in 370 readable pages. So readable that I started out reading it cover to cover, until I realized this method would kill me.

It's so comprehensive that unless you're a die-hard environmentalist of the no-deodorant-or-packaged-toothpaste variety, you run the risk of realizing that you're doing more things wrong than right. Between your polyurethane-filled mattress, the formaldehyde in your sheets and pillow, and the toxins you've slathered onto your body in the interest of being clean, you should maybe avoid breathing at night, just in case. And yet, last I checked, breathing is still necessary for survival.

This is where baby steps come in. Because, there are solutions to most of these issues, but a person can't tackle them all at once. I can't run out and buy a new mattress right now, but when I do, I'll be glad to have Ecoholic at hand to help me through the process. And in the meantime, I can start looking through my medicine cabinet and under my kitchen sink, and at least switch to an aluminum-free deodorant, right? Ecoholic also provides the motivation for paying that little bit more for biodegradable detergents and so on.

I highly recommend buying Ecoholic as a first step towards better health for yourself and the earth. It's one purchase you won't feel guilty about! It was printed using eco-friendly ink using a low-emissions process, on 100% recycled paper; this saved 212 trees in its first printing as well as over 13 thousand pounds of solid waste, 127 thousand gallons of water, and thirty thousand cubic feet of natural gas.

Diversity Roll Call: Early Readers

Yes, it's time once again (past time, actually) for another Diversity Roll Call. This week's assignment comes from Mary Ann of Great Kid Books.

I have an idea for a color challenge that I would LOVE help with: finding books for early readers (1st and 2nd grade) with children of color as the main characters.

I loved discovering Nikki & Deja last year, but I find it very hard to find either early readers or early chapter books with kids from different backgrounds. There are lots of picture books out there, but not many books that young kids can read for themselves.

So, you're assignment is one of the following:

1) Find a book for Mary Ann's library
2) Write the blurb for the book you'd like kids of that age to see on the shelves, or
3) Was this an issue for you when you were first reading books on your own? Tell us about it.
4) Got a diversity issue on your mind lately? We'd love to read your thoughts. Who knows, you may spark the next C.O.R.A. question!

The Diversity Roll Call is co-hosted by myself and Susan of Color Online, and everyone is invited to participate at any time. Answer on your blog and add a link (directly to that post) below, or answer in the comments. We'd love to hear from you.